I have classically bad timing. This is something that is okay to have on occasion, or every once in a while. THis is not something you want to have blessing your life constantly.
I am always late. It doesn't matter how much time I've given myself to get to a place, I can never show up when I'm supposed to. The earlier I leave, the more hiccups are thrown in the adventure of getting there. When I am 'on-time', its because I've gotten the time wrong. If I am early, something ridiculous catapults itself into me. I wasn't meant for the life of punctuality, and I'v grown to accept this. This is not where my bad timing ends though, oh no, this is just the beginning.
I never show up at the right time in people's lives. Its always right after they needed someone like me, or in the middle of a situation that doesn't want me to join in. It used to be chalked up to 'right person, wrong time', but when everyone you meet doesn't have a place for you in their life, its hard to want to continue meeting people.
I am a moment ruiner. This was a title given to me by four of my friends when during all their serious conversations I popped up with some silly excited comment about ducks, or boots, or the weather. Everyone would be crying and I would burst in with bubbles and unicorns and crazy faces. My family solves uncomfortable situations with humor, its a habit I haven't yet broken and surfaces subconsciously whenever I need an 'out'.
People always seem to walk in on me being ridiculous. I'll be dancing around the daycare I work at, and suddenly I spin around with a baby in my arms, and there is a parent. Staring at me boogie. Or, I'll be belting out songs in my kitchen and the U.P.S. driver will be staring in the window, knocking. I'll be completely alone then spill something all over myself, and a billion people show up. I'll look like a hot mess, go to a grocery store at midnight in suburbia, and there will be the person I've had a crush on for years picking up some juice and flowers.
Things get awkward. Maybe this is the result of me, being awkward.
How does a person survive all these awkward moments?
Well, I'll let you in on a secret. Things are only awkward if you are awkward about them. I am incredibly skilled at not becoming awkward in terribly uncomfortable moments.
I just made a your mom joke and your mom is dead? Oh, well, sorry and your face.
You saw me break into an silly dance when I thought was alone? Oh. I'm just going to keep dancing until you laugh.
I talk about sexual things loudly in public places. I kiss girls in restaurants. I dance everywhere. I say embarrassing honest things about myself to people I want to impress. I make faces. I make noises. I bring up subjects people avoid, and always call people out. People I really don't want to sleep with always want my nuts, and I just pretend they don't.
I an great at making an ass out of myself and still having friends in the morning.
This is because I am adorable. I am adorable and I do the dishes and I take people out to breakfast or make some mean quiche.
You can be awkward as long as you are charming and sweet.
Until you are charming and sweet there are two options. You can either:
A. Pretend it wasn't awkward and be super confident in your actions following the moment.
or B. Call out how ridiculously awkward that moment was, immediately repeat or intimidate said moment and move on to asking questions.
If all else fails, just own the awkwardness that is you, and never aim to impress anyone ever again.
Good luck.
xoxoxoxo
